I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize