Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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