so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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