whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize