in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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