and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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