my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
