I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
