I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
