Do vagina's smell?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
