i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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