where am i from again
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
