if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
