He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
