remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
