i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
