a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We got so high we made milksteak
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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