i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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