Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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