she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
