Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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