dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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