i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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