Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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