So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
