I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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