11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
