I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
