apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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