So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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