All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
