the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
