Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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