you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
