I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
