All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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