I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm bleeding and have questions
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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