Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
