did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
