My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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