Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
