i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
