just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can't put those talents on a resume
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
