just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
