9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize