You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
