I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
