I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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