Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
