Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
