This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I believe in your delicious
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize