who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
