so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
