I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
