At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
false alarm, still single
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
