Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
