I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
