What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
