Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
