well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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