Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
