Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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