My room smells like vodka and shame
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
