Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
