First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
