So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
