no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
